I'm thinking more about this V8 mate value. Thing, this this this number this metric, the 8, 10 6, whatever it is, and made value discrepancy playing such a strong role in all these Dynamics. I should have asked this earlier. But what is the impact on mate, value perceived, or real of a woman having already had children, you know, for instance, they're friends of mine, who are married and divorced who have children will often post. Is it themselves with their children in their online profiles? Because it shows a strong sense of paternal Instinct, you know, there's the puppy thing people with dogs or puppies, a demonstrating care capacity to care. And for caretaking in women that the opposite is also true women with children show capacity. It demonstrates fertility, at least at, at one point. Perhaps still fertility, that still present. Does it positively negatively. Or neutrally impact a woman to already have children. When seeking a another mate regardless of whether or not she was married or had the children out of What ya, as
a general rule. It decreases, formate value because kids with another Mater viewed. As a cost, not a benefit and there a cost on multiple Dimensions, one of which they're going to be a cost to the guy because he's going to have to invest resources. Time attention, so forth, but also a portion Of her effort and resources are going to be devoted toward kids who are not genetically related to him. And which is one reason why stepfamilies, there's often a lot of conflict within stepfamilies, very explicable from an evolutionary perspective in G. So in general, it's a cost. Not a benefit. Sometimes it can be a benefit that. So now I know one case where a woman got divorced, she had two kids and she ended up successfully mating with a guy who was also divorced and had primary custody of his two kids. And So there was a compatibility there but as a general rule, it will decrease a woman's and the man's made value to have kids, especially kids, who are financially, who are young and financially dependent. But what happens is, let's say the woman would be 1/8 without kids. A guy who's a 6 might be able to attract her and might feel lucky to attract her because there's no way he would have been able to Actor under other conditions, but that's why the display of effort investing in her kids is often a mating tactic. He's showing okay. I'm willing to invest in in kids. I'm willing to sacrifice. And so they, in essence, become equivalent inmate value. As a result of that. But will she be able to attract on average, you know, other eights less likely but the same is true of guys. And this is why the the The reason that affects women more than men is because more custody tends to go with women. That is the kids. Women tend to have greater custody and women tend to invest more in the kids throughout their lives. Now, there are other things like alimony and child, support payments, and so forth, but all the women have talked to had a factor 1, a one-on-one with many women about this. They view a guy with kids as a cost, not a benefit unless the Kids are old enough and they've left home and are no fun. No longer financially dependent
and everything. You just described is consistent. Whether you with what you said earlier, which is that with subsequent marriages or as men get older the tendency is to seek mates that are progressively younger. Right? Right. Because there's a higher lower probability. They'll already have children if they're if they're much younger, right?
And they're in and if the guy is successful, if he has status and resources and has other Qualities associated with higher mate value, then he will remain attractive to younger women.
Single Women & Men With Kids Have Lower Perceived Mate Values
Dr. David Buss: How Humans Select & Keep Romantic Partners in Short & Long Term | Episode 48