This is almost certainly a more rare circumstance, but I'd be remiss if I didn't ask about unconventional relationships these days. I don't think it's just by virtue of living in California. You hear more and more about monogamy. as opposed to monogamous and various forms of polyamory, that may or may not include the Amory part, you know, passes in permission based on season circumstance and prior infidelities, like, okay, somebody had a mishap early on, you know, you have one pass so to speak or and you hear this kind of language getting thrown around and and it's intriguing to me because it Just like an effort to bypass some of the more fuel hardwired, or at least, culturally hardwired aspects of mate choice and sexual partner choice, you know, acknowledging jealousy, but to confronting it by allowing your partner to be with somebody else. For instance. I confess I have friends who have an conventional relationships. I have friends with conventional relationships. Any thoughts on that polyamory.
Yeah. Yeah. I do have a couple thoughts on it. I haven't studied it extensively, but I think that the way I would phrase it is that there's an attempt to overcome certain evolved features of our mating psychology, but often in the service of other aspects of our mating psychology, so what I mean by that is this so talk about polyamory. First of all, there's a (expletive) difference on and on average that is men are more likely to I want to initiate A polyamorous relationship than women. There are lots of exceptions and I actually know of at least one exception personally friends friends of mine who are in a polyamorous relationship, but the motivation for men is that evolved desire for sexual variety. So in it gives him access to a wider, variety of (expletive) partners, which is part of our evolve sexual psychology, especially for men women one. Ation, a women also have a desire for sexual variety on average tends, not to be as great as that of men, but also have it. But some women agree to a polyamorous relationship as a mate, retention tactic. That is this guy in order to keep him. She has to agree to the relationship. And so, and so, the motivations for engaging in polyamory are somewhat (expletive) differentiated on average, on average, on average scores lots of exceptions. So now I want to To sexual jealousy. There is this recognition that there in? Am, I the way that I would frame it. There's this evolved the motion. We are. We it triggers sexual jealousy. Senior partner. Having (expletive) or imagining your partner? Having (expletive) or be falling in love with someone else and but interestingly and there haven't been studies on this but I know of this one polyamorous couple where they reported to me, both of them reported to me. She said she doesn't, it doesn't bother her at all of her. Her husband, they're married has (expletive) with other women. She they allow it. I think it's like every Thursday night or whatever. They have. The different couples have different rules. But one time she saw him walking down the street hand in hand affectionately with a former girlfriend and she got extremely jealous. So because it signaled an emotional connection. So the sexual didn't bother the emotional. Did she happen to be bisexual? And she and her partner said that it really At him when she slept with other men, but it was fine. If she slept with other woman. Well, I think
that's a fairly common thing that I see among the men that I know that her and polyamorous relationships that. Yeah, that's a fairly calm.
Yeah, so he kept trying to into these into his internecine. Manipulations trying to encourage her to sleep with other women, but not with men and in her case encouraging him not to get emotionally involved with other women, but the (expletive) was okay, so I think I think that, you know, I think that in the modern environment, you know, we have a very rich and complicated evolved mating psychology and what we're doing in these novel forms or semi novel because these things have a pretty deep history themselves. That we're attempting to maximize some of our evolve desires, while men while keeping quiescent other revolved aspects of our sexual psychology like jealousy. So satisfying or desire for sexual variety, but keeping jealousy at Bay and different couples. Do it in different ways. So as you as you alluded to, so I know, one couple we're live in Los Angeles and the woman from the what said she gives her husband permission have an affair sleep with other women as long as outside of the city limits of Allah, you know, and this other couple it's has to be Thursday night, you know, and so different people have different learning, constraints
on, but the constraints are The specific and somewhat arbitrary to the relationship.
Yeah. Yeah, there's specific and often in polyamorous relationships, people talk it out and come to an agreement about what is acceptable on? What's out of bounds. So, but but in a way, I mean, it in a way, it's just, you know, we can't change our evolved sexual psychology. I don't think what we can do is we can activate certain elements of it and keep others quiescent. And And and that's all good
Men Are More Likely to Want a Polyamorous Relationship Than Women
Dr. David Buss: How Humans Select & Keep Romantic Partners in Short & Long Term | Episode 48