#620: Dr. Gabor Maté The Myth of Normal, Metabolizing Anger, Processing Trauma, and Finding the Still Voice Within

This is how trauma shows up in our lives. It doesn't have to be as dramatic as that, but it shows up in our relationships, and how we feel about ourselves, in how we interpret events, and how we react to things that happen in our world view. So, trauma is this, sort of, invisible dynamic that shapes so much of how we live our lives. But, we tend not to be aware of it.

That suppression of authenticity has severe mental and physical health implications—from autoimmune disease to malignancy to depression ... Depression is not this inherited brain disease. It’s a result of having to push down one’s emotions as a child.

People need to realize to what extent their tensions and their unhappiness and their dysfunctions, things that they don't like about themselves, they all came along for a reason. At some point, they had a function to play. Now, they're no longer helpful. We can work them through.

So much of what’s taught as parenting advice is designed to manipulate or shape or suppress kids’ behaviors rather than understanding the child. And by the way, this is also true of adults as well. We look at human beings, and we don’t see what’s really driving them. We just either approve or disapprove of how they’re behaving.

Very often, we don't react to what happens; we react to an interpretation of what happens.

The mind that we develop as kids in response to trauma doesn't trust our authenticity very much but for a good reason—because authenticity would get us into trouble.

Everything has a story. So, the mountain itself is a story. I’m looking at this beautiful mountain and this bison and the sunset, and nobody had to convince me that nature contains us all.

By the way, radical acceptance doesn't mean radical tolerance. It doesn't mean that you put up with everything; it just means that you accept that this is the way it is right now. Now, where do we go from here?

The intent of good parenting or good child-rearing is to help the development of self-regulation ... The question is how to get there.

What keeps us disconnected from ourselves are the imprints of trauma.

Any parenting or educational practice that focuses on behavior rather than the child's underlying emotional dynamics is going to be harmful.

There's such cacophony, there's such noise generated by this culture. I mean, the radio, the TV, the Internet is yelling at you 24/7, and we're being pulled away from ourselves in so many ways.

There's a gap between not only Western medicine and traditional understandings, but there's even a gap between Western science and Western medical practice in so many ways.

Nobody's ever discovered the gene for any mental health condition. Nobody's ever discovered any group of genes that cause any mental health condition.

The way you help a child develop self-regulation is by being regulated yourself.

The essence of trauma is loss of contact with yourself, loss of connection to yourself.