Vulnerability: The Key to Courage | Brené Brown

If you're going to be brave, you're going to know uncertainty and risk and emotional exposure. And if you think you're being courageous, and you're comfortable, you're probably not being that brave.

I see an increasing number of people opting out of love because of their fear of grief, opting out of courage because of their fear of failure, opting out of belonging because of their fear of disconnection.

The stories that we make up, because we're making them up to self-protect, the stories we make up grab our greatest shame triggers, our biggest fears about ourselves, and just explode them in order to assure maximum protection.

You've got to constantly check the narratives. We believe what we tell ourselves about ourselves ... If someone couldn't love you, didn't have the capacity or didn't want to love you, it doesn't make you unlovable. Because people didn't see value in what you produce or create doesn't make you less valuable. We have to really challenge the narratives that we have bought into, and we've our lives around them.

You can't expect people to innovate and create if you don't allow people to fail because, by definition, innovation is iteration, failure, and iteration, like that's the definition.

When you normalize discomfort and hard conversations in an environment, miracles can happen.

The biggest barrier to courageous leadership and courage in general is not fear; it's armor. What do we do when we feel exposed? How do we self-protect? And how do those pieces of armor keep us from growing into who we're supposed to be.

Somehow we believe that we are entitled to be comfortable. And I've never done anything really meaningful in my life that was comfortable.

I think one of the biggest barriers to raising vulnerable courageous kids... is parents who put too much emphasis on cool. Cool is a straitjacket.

Over the years, we learn to armor up. And there are many different forms of armor—perfectionism is one, cynicism is one, control is one, power over. There are a lot of different ways we armor up against uncertainty.

You can be brave and afraid at the exact same time, at the exact same moment—and most of us are.

Compassion is not a relationship between the wounded and the healed; it's a relationship of equals ... Compassion is knowing your darkness well enough that you can sit in the dark with others.

I have to do something quiet, alone, and rhythmic on a daily basis or I would probably die.

I have a bachelor's, master's, and PhD in social work ... My big takeaway from the $100,000 of school loans for that experience was connection is really what matters. We're neurobiologically, spiritually, physically, mentally hardwired to be in connection with each other.

The definition of vulnerability that emerged from the data is the emotion we experience in times of uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. So, vulnerability is that affect emotion that we feel when we feel uncertain, at risk, or emotionally exposed.

I think vulnerability minus boundaries is not vulnerability at all. It's inappropriate sharing, oversharing, shock and awe, desperation, but it's not real vulnerability.

The greatest shame trigger for men is perceptions of weakness. And for women, it's don't be imperfect—be perfect, and take care of everyone while showing no effort.

You cannot shame or belittle people into changing.