Mel Robbins On Healing Anxiety, Marriage Therapy, & Igniting Transformation

Attacking anxiety and these moments where you feel separate or scared... If you, instead of treating it like a signal that something's wrong, if you actually treat it as a signal that you just need a little bit of love from yourself right now... Tell your yourself whatever you need to hear in that moment in order to reassure yourself that you're going to be okay.

We let our feelings dictate what we do, and we have to do the opposite if you want to change. You have to lead with the actions that align with the way you want to feel after you've done the actions.

There is, inside of you, this desire to be happier. And I believe that the reason why you want to be happier is because you miss being happier, and you can only miss things that you know.

Your whole life is about those little things that you do every day. And if you're not happy, get out a piece of paper, draw a line down the center, and write down the things that you were doing when you were a happier or healthier person, and add one in tomorrow.

When you are critical of yourself, it destroys all motivation to act. And so, if you have a bad day, congratulations, you're breathing; you're a human being. Please, do not beat yourself up. Shake it off. Look at your list, and pick something you're going to do tomorrow.

I thought to myself in that moment, I'm like, 'Okay, you're a person who's had fun, and you've laughed a lot, and you've done some amazing things, but have you allowed yourself to really enjoy it? Have you ever truly, Mel, just allowed yourself to receive all the things that are around you?'

Chris and I have this philosophy that our kids are not extensions of us. We do not own them; we do not control them. As parents, our job is to help them figure out who they are and how to make decisions and how to live with the decisions and accept the consequences of them.

That's one of the things that I've been working really hard on is not trying to solve my kids' problems and not trying to fix anything, because I've learned the hard way that my kids don't want my advice; they want me to listen.

[Dr. Russell Kennedy's] theory is that all anxiety comes from childhood, and it comes from the experience of being separate in childhood. Every single one of us has an experience... where you as a kid feel distinct and separate from your caregiver.

There is an extraordinary connection between anxiety and addiction. And the reason why is because if you don't know what to do with that alarm that is simply the little you going, 'Hey, can you just give me a hug right now, and tell me we're going to be okay,' you find ways to silence it.

When the quarantine hit and the pandemic hit, the universe flipped the switch on everybody's nervous system. And everybody, because we were going through an unprecedented experience, your nervous system went into fight-or-flight. The alarm turned on.

The single greatest thing that helps me other than the work that I'm doing from the neck down to stay in my body and to stay in the moment and to recognize when the alarm goes off and then to quiet, is to stay deeply connected to the reason why I do what I do.

I would say my primary addiction that I still struggle with is busyness.

If you grew up around anybody that complains or gripes or life is hard or gossips or just is pointing out what's wrong or unhappy, you don't realize it, but it becomes the language you speak to yourself. It's how you keep yourself company.

I am scared of an experience on psychedelics where you lose control and you're in a dark tunnel. Like, I don't need to take drugs, experience a giant frog chasing me, only to have the outcome be 'oh, I can get myself through this.'

One of the biggest breakthroughs I've had in the last couple of years, Rich, is this epiphany about my inability to receive love.

I had an experience as a child of a parent who is never happy—joyful, loud, fun, but not happy. And I absorbed that, and didn't even realize it.