There were times where I remember thinking 'Look, I almost left. I came so close to leaving this planet. And it was so easy—maybe I should. This is not worth it. This is really not fucking worth it what I'm going through.' It was just so bad ... I remember thinking 'I'm a good man. I don't deserve this. I've done real good in this world, and if I left now, I leave good behind, but going through this is not worth it for me.'