Brené Brown Says You're Doing Feelings Wrong

Now, when I start to feel resentful, the first thing I say is what do I need that I'm not asking for? What do I need: rest, play, sleep, time away? What do I need that I'm not asking for?

Just the ability to name shame starts to weaken it, because shame cannot stand being spoken. Shame works when it convinces you that you are alone. And then, when you name it and wrap words around it, and then speak it... shame can't hold on to anything, because now I don't think I'm alone anymore. And that's the prerequisite for shame to work; I have to believe that I'm alone.

The near enemy of love is attachment. Attachment masquerades as love. It says, I will love this person because I need something from them, or I will love you if you love me back; I love you but only if you'll change and be the way I want. This isn't the fullness of love. Instead, there's attachment; there's clinging and fear. True love allows, honors, and appreciates. Attachment grasps, demands, needs, and aims to possess.

I think, so often in our lives, and mine included—I just had a morning like this today, it was really hard and stressful, and I had to work through some really uncomfortable stuff—we're always looking on the outside of us to figure out how can I find my way back? How can I get re-tethered? How can I get grounded? ... The anchoring happens within. There is nothing external that's going to offer us a way home.

I do not allow myself to say overwhelmed without stopping what I'm doing and going outside and walking. If you're going to say you're overwhelmed, then you're going to own it, and you're going to address it.

Envy and jealousy are very different constructs. Envy is wanting something that someone else has. Jealousy is the fear of losing something we have to someone else.

Emotional granularity is positively correlated with really significant life indicators, like positive well-being, social connection. I mean, it's a big deal.

The near enemy of connection is control. It seems like we're making a good effort, but what we're trying to do is actually control something.

I think about Donald Trump and the people who follow Donald Trump. And you look, and you want to say, man, there's real connection there. These people are dialed into him; they're connected. But he's not sharing vulnerability; he's exploiting vulnerability. He's not being an emotion with; he's leveraging emotion.

We need to connect with ourselves first, and the depth of that connection will dictate the depth of our capacity for connection other people.

I think what we're called to do in the service of meaningful connection is not walk in someone else's shoes but to believe them when they tell us what their experiences are like in their shoes.

If we can name something or accurately label it, we are much more likely to be able to ask for what we need, move through it productively. In the case of positive emotion, we're able to replicate and seek more of those experiences.

You think we're bad at labeling negative emotion or hard emotion or whatever you want to call it; we have really no language for positive emotion other than that was good, that was cool, had some goosebumps.

Language does not just communicate emotion; it shapes emotion.

I no longer believe it is possible at all to read emotion in other people. I don't believe it.

One thing I can tell you for sure is that boundaries is a prerequisite for good relationships.